Who's life are you NOT saving?

Recently on my drive to an early-morning appointment, I plugged in my favorite song from Mumsford & Sons,  Little Lion Man.  It's amazing what a well versed lyric and uplifting melody does to the psyche. Better than a double-shot of espresso!  

Then an awful thought occurred to me, followed by intense emotion.

What if all the songs that inspire and uplift me had never been written?  

There are so many  small things that make such a great big difference in our lives. A song  that energizes us, a word that uplifts us, a story from that book that tugged our heartstrings ––what if the collection of these small things makes the difference between joy and depression–– the degree of difference that gives special meaning to our lives?

That thought led to another idea... what if the people that wrote the songs, told the stories, or shared the words of encouragement had never done so?  What if each one of them surrendered to the critical voices that are all too common,  

"You're just not good enough.  You'll never be good enough.  Just quit."

Too many people give in to the fear and criticism inside them.  I've been there myself...  I still remember times when I've been so hard on myself that I refused to follow my passions and dreams, believing that the world was better off without me even trying... but those thoughts are lies.  Have courage.  Have Faith.

You make a difference.
The stories that you tell others about overcoming adversity, inspire others to overcome their own weaknesses...

Even if it's just sharing about someone else’s victory, stories of overcoming can directly or indirectly have a profound impact on hundreds or even thousands of lives around you!

Many of the moments that have impacted my life greatly are a result of such stories.  My friend, and business owner, Frances is a great example.  Her story of how she became a millionaire–– before she had even more than $100 dollars to her name–– is an inspiration to me. 

"I became a millionaire the day when my father-in-law said to me that I would never amount to anything but a coffee-shop girl.  No one had ever treated me like that.  I was so angry, I got in his face and told him that from that day on, I didn't serve coffee... people would serve coffee to me.  That month I started knocking on people's doors to sell their houses for $1,000 dollars.  I sold ten houses and nobody could tell me I was the coffee-shop girl anymore."

What about the stories that you don’t tell?  

What about the excellence that you resist pursuing because of your self image and fear?  What if your story is that one degree of difference that someone down the line was waiting for to make a change for the better?

You have a responsibility to your fellow man. A responsibility to overcome your obstacles to become an inspiration to others.

Don't underestimate yourself. Be bold.

Realize, that you have the potential to impact people's lives in a profound ripple effect with every positive actions and every act of courage, love, or compassion that you have ever shared in your life. 

You may have become the story or memory in someone's mind that makes them one degree better.

That one degree better is compounded over time into millions of positive interactions… but then… 

...so have the negative thoughts that you have had about yourself or shared with others.  

Those vibrations have also been broadcast into our world.

This is why self pity is a waste, and destructive. When you hold yourself back from overcoming, when you hold yourself back from creating–– and inspiring others to create!

When you hold yourself back from doing the thing that you were designed to do, (your calling, your destiny)  you are stealing from the world the gift that is your life. In your selfish self pity, you are denying the world the one degree of better that makes a difference.  

Who’s life could you be saving, simply by pursuing excellence in all your dealings… in overcoming your adversity… and in becoming the you that you were destined to be?  

I know it’s hard…  but who said it was supposed to be easy?  Do the right thing anyway.    Push yourself to be the best version of you. Then inspire others with your story.

The First Rule of Connection

Get Over Yourself  &  See Others First:  The Power of Connection

We've all been there, excited about a recent development in our life.  So excited, in fact, that we can't wait to throw up all over everybody we meet and tell them all about how special and blessed we are. 

"That deal finally came through and we're making X number of dollars this month and aren't you so happy for me?"

 

But what if the message people are getting is:   "My life is so amazing. Don't you wish you were me?"

Humor me for a second and see if the following calls to mind a person in your life.  Have you ever been with someone that was just a great conversationalist?  A person that, when you're with them you just feel like things flow from one topic to the next effortlessly-- so much so that you feel drawn to them  like a magnet?  You can't get enough of their company and you would go the mile for them.  If they called, you'd answer.  If they asked, you'd give.

Did someone pop into your mind?  Is there someone like that for you? 

Think back to this person and ask yourself how often in conversations with this person are you talking and how often they're talking.  How many questions do you ask, versus how many do they ask?  And how thought provoking or poignant are their questions? How do their questions make you feel?  Have you ever made a decision because of what this person said or asked?  Have you ever gone to this person for advice?

Chances are, that the person you're thinking of is a great connector.  Connectors are great leaders.   They  ask great questions.  They have great relationships.  Ultimately they create influence and can leverage relationships to accomplish great tasks.  Great connectors have great power! 

There's value in studying others that make us feel good.  People that influence us.  The better we understand how others influence us, the better we can apply what we learn from them to build rapport, relationships, trust, and ultimately influence.  We are most influenced by the people we trust and respect, who connect and add value.

So lets go back to throwing up all over people. 

Put people first

We spend most of the day thinking about ourselves.  And when we think of others, we typically think of others in direct proportion to how it relates with our own self interest. 

That doesn't mean you're evil or some kind of egotistical tyrant.  I'm just saying you're human.  It's our nature to think of ourselves.  It's normal for us to literally not consider the other point of view in our interactions.   (Though some people have a nasty habit of over evaluating what others think due to poor self image-- we'll deal with that in later posts).

Many people have poor self image. ( If you're reading this and you're hurt by my comment, then you probably still have room for growth in the self image department.  )  When you talk to self conscious people about how successful you are, chances are they're intimidated.  On a subconscious level, the message people get is one of self questioning.  They measure themselves against your success and if they feel they fall short, then the connection is broken.  You're no longer creating influence with this person, nor are you adding value to them.

Even when the person you're sharing with has tremendous self image, what do you gain from boasting your successes?  Or what do you gain from talking about yourself all the time?  

There's no better way to improve your self image than to take your eyes off yourself and ask about the other person you're with.  They're more likely to benefit from your company and enjoy it as well.  They'll talk about themselves and reveal intimate details about what their loves are. What their pains are.  And in the end, you're relationship grows.  Ask great questions.  

Let them ask you first.  When you're genuinely interested in the other person and engaged in their life, they'll in turn become engaged in your life and want to learn more about you.  We're not promoting manipulation. You're not asking about them in order to get them  to ask about you.  We want you to want to get to know others more intimately by asking questions and getting to know others' loves, ambitions, goals, and desires.  

We can enrich our lives by going against our initial tendencies.  Ask questions.  Get out and over yourself and  become more interested in the other person than you are in yourself and just watch.  Beautiful relationships will begin to manifest.   You'll learn great things about others.  You're more likely to identify need in the market place.  You'll close more business and have better relationships with friends and family members. 

It all starts with being intentional about it.   

Remember,

People don't care how much you know.  Until they know how much you care.