Growth is a Process

"Relax, growth is a process…"

… is what I keep telling myself in my journey of personal development…  in this adventure of leading myself.

I keep meeting people struggling to overcome this obstacle.  They don’t even have the words to understand what’s going on inside them.  But they’re frustrated with their jobs, careers, business, relationships…  

Have you ever felt like the same problems just keep coming up over and over?

I’m sorry to break it to you, but It’s true––  growth is a process.  And that means nothing more and nothing less than understanding a very simple concept:

Before you can get to steps 7 and 8…  you’ve got to figure out and take step 1.

I’ve been there before.  Trying to figure out why step 8 hasn’t shown up yet.  And I’ve placed the order in my dreams-book!  And I... I’m praying! Believing for step 8 to show up and just land on my doorstep!!!  Why hasn’t it arrived, signed-sealed-delivered?

It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the realization that we’re nowhere near where we want to be.  Take a breath. 

No one is exactly where we want to be.  We always want to be just a little bit further along…  Until, that is, we learn the subtle art of appreciating that growth is a daily process.

High performance leaders work their whole lives on becoming an overnight success.

“I’m a lazy person. I never get my work done when I know I’m supposed to do it. I’m just not a productive person..."

Realize that focusing on your past to determine “who you are” is an ineffective way of identifying with yourself.

You’re perpetuating a story about yourself that does nothing but cause you harm.

There's a season of sowing and reaping.  Just like a farmer needs to sow a field, tend the field, and continue to tend the field until the harvest time comes–– your growth works the same way.

The actions you have taken in the past are JUST the actions you took.  Redefine yourself and recreate yourself ONE STEP AT A TIME. 

Sow good seed in your daily routine and given enough time, you'll reap the reward of great habits.  It'll be hard and you won't be perfect.  

You'll be better tomorrow than you were yesterday if you put in the energy to change today...

Here’s a list of to-do’s that might help.

1. Get all your auto-criticism out of your system by writing all the negative things you think about yourself on a piece of paper until you’re literally tired.  
2. Burn the list.
3. Write down in first person a new list of “I am” statements.  Such as  “I am a productive person.”  “I am a courageous person.”  (Even if you don’t feel it).
4. Write down a list of things you’re grateful for.
5. Determine a list of daily habits that could change your life.  
6. Study high-performance, disciplined leaders and reproduce their systems one at a time in your life.  Little by little.  Over the course of a year, maybe.
7. Start with ONE daily habit, then add another, then another.
8. Reflect.  Learn.  Apply what you learned.
9. Celebrate the little victories along the way to the big victories.
10. Keep reading and keep learning.  Keep growing.  

The Importance of Positive Self-Image

Positive Self Image

Today I’m going to elaborate on one of the most important and limiting or enabling qualities of a human being.  I’m going to talk about the man or woman in the mirror.  

Your view of yourself determines your behavior.  Because your behavior today affects who you become and how you perform tomorrow, the Law of the Mirror says, you will never out-perform your self-image.

The value you put on yourself is the value that others will put on you as well.  

John Maxwell says, 

“If you place small value on yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise the price.”

Steps for Building a Positive Image  /  Visual:  Clearing the Muddy Waters  

When you are a baby your water is clean.  Let’s say that your psyche is this cup of water.  Your psyche is clean.  You have a personality, a potential, and a set of natural gifting that are yet to develop.  But as for the voice in a baby’s head.  It’s mommy and daddy’s cooing voice they hear.   

As we get older and negative events and voices start making their impact on our lives, the cup begins to get tarnished with these voices.  Until the voices become our own and we can’t distinguish between the negative voices. And the voices are nothing more than ideas we can believe or not believe.  Their truth value is determined exclusively by you.

I believe that every person is born with unique gifts and potential just waiting to be tapped into.  There are some people that can do things that I will never be good at.  I stick to the things that I’m good at and that I love. I work on a lot of the things I’m not good at so that I can get better, and because doing those things builds me up as well…  

(That doesn’t mean that I was always good at the things I’m good at today.  When we’re babies, we don’t know anything.  We naturally develop all the abilities we own today).

The problem is that many people never even give themselves room to develop the innate abilities within them.  They judge themselves by the way that water looks to them.  They say, water isn’t for me, when they have to put in the work to develop.  Because no-one who was ever great developed their abilities accidentally.  They slaved over those skill sets.  

Henry Ford said,  “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.”

The voices about yourself you believe determine the vision of the future you can achieve.

How many of you criticize yourself heavily on a pretty regular basis?  And it looks like:  “Man, I’m not good enough. Or, I can’t really do that.  That’s not something for me.  I’ll never be good at that… look at other people, they can do this so well… I wish I could be that good, but I’ll never be that good…”  ?

I used to call that the auto-criticism monster.  Other people call it the gremlin.  Some people call it the enemy.

In the little bit of time I have left, I want to show you a vision of what your life could be.  

This hazy glass is dark and murky.  This is your subconscious… your psyche literally has an unclear view of itself.  And so the vision of your future in turn is unclear.

The Secret is…

We need to flush it out. 

Our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves create emotions.  Emotions are ENERGY in motion.  Emotions affect our actions.  We think about our actions on a conscious and a subconscious level –– those thoughts create further emotion.  That energy in motion creates our behaviors.

We sometimes can’t control the thoughts or voices of our auto-criticism monster/ our gremlin.  But we can control what we say back to those thoughts.  We can control what we believe.  It takes work. But let me show you.

To build your self esteem:

1. Guard your self talk.  Stop talking negative things to yourself.  Never say it out loud, even if it’s in your head.  Instead, talk to yourself out loud and say positive re-enforcing things.  Find positive adjectives and say them out loud while looking in the mirror.
2. Stop comparing yourself to anyone. When you discover that the best version of you has unique things to offer that someone else doesn’t, you’ll be liberated.
3. Create habits and disciplines to combat and kill the auto-criticism monster/ that deadly gremlin cancer.  Practice a small discipline daily.  Get up early and listen to empowering music.
4. Celebrate small victories and log them in your journal.  (You should be journaling and reflecting daily)
5. Write and speak positive adjectives about yourself and give yourself room to grow.
6. Perform intentional acts of kindness and add value to others. 

Embrace growth is a process.  Breathe. Let yourself make mistakes and learn from them.

Our behaviors determine our habits.  Our habits determine our character.  Which in turn determine our DESTINY.

Make the glass clean.  

Where There is No Vision...

Vision

There is a several thousand-year-old saying.

"Where there is no vision, the people perish."  You'll find it in Proverbs.

I want to challenge you today.  Do you have a clear vision for you life, your business, your relationships, your team?  Is it clearly stated so that the relevant parties are aware of that vision?  Have you written it down?  Is it in a visible place where you must see it often?

Visionary Leadership

Visionary leaders can see things the way they are in reality–– And they see things the way they are potentiality.  Both are a prerequisite to bring ideas into being.

Seeing things first as they are allows the visionary leader to assess the situation effectively and to begin to engineer change.  The ability to see the way things could be potentially enables the visionary leader to cast the vision and relate it to others.

Once the vision is clearly cast, written down, and communicated to all relevant parties, the next step is to bring the picture of the way things could be into the world of being.   

Warning! 

You will meet resistance as you pursue a vision that those around you cannot see.    To be a leader, by definition, means to go first where others have not gone. As you cast the vision of change that you want to bring about, you will find resistance.  Especially if your vision of change means others must step outside their comfort zones.

Often times, this resistance comes from your own leadership (such as superiors) and from your peers (your friends and co-workers).   

Visions often die between the "what" and the "how". 

The number one question that presents a danger to your vision is "how are you going to do that?"

This is where your grit and your mettle will be measured as a leader.  Often times, visionaries have the idea––  they have a picture of what they want to achieve–– and no idea how to achieve it.  And so they let the great idea die.  

Great ideas are a dime-a-dozen.  It’s the execution and bringing of ideas into reality that we recognize as extraordinary.

To avoid getting holes shot into your vision, make sure that you have your vision firmly planted in your mind.  Make sure that your vision is so clearly detailed in your mind that you could see, smell, taste, and touch your vision.  Make it such that if a genie granted you a wish and your vision suddenly became reality, you could walk through the new landscape as if it had always been so.  Make your vision familiar.  Make your vision the new normal.

Avoid sharing your vision with those that would discourage the vision for lack of all the steps necessary to make your vision a reality.  Some of your peers and leadership will require you to have a clearly cut plan.  Wait until some of the details are clear before sharing with these people.

The clearer the vision is in your mind, the more ideas will begin to mature from your vision as to “how” to make it a reality.  Once a few of the steps are clear, you may want to bring it to your mastermind inner circle.  These are the people that are fellow idea generators.  The individuals that can help take your idea to reality.  These are the people you trust will just take it as a given that your vision will be a reality.  These are the individuals that instantly jump into thinking of ways to manifest your new reality.

Next, take the next available steps!    

Often, only a few steps in your plan are visible to attain the vision in your mind.  Embrace the unknown!  A great leader takes the information at hand and makes decisions.  A poor leader waits for all the minute details to become clear and often misses the window of opportunity.  

As you move forward to attain the vision, resources will continue to make themselves available.  People will become attracted to your vision.  Because you behave as your vision is the already-certain future, and because your inner circle takes action toward that already-certain future, then others will begin to take it for granted that your vision is the certain-future. 

Some will remain against you until the very end.  Some will join you.   Be ready to meet resistance, but be ready to recruit help from those that are inspired by your vision.

Vision without execution is just hallucination -  Henry Ford

Pour Water on the Seeds

Thank you to my anonymous reader who asked me to list ways we can develop the seeds of greatness within!

The following are a few suggestions:

• Keep a gratitude journal

Gratitude is one of the most powerful forces that works in our psyche.  As counterintuitive as it may sound, writing down what you're thankful for sends a message to your subconscious that says, "I am worthy,"  "My life is valuable."   Writing down the your victories over obstacles reminds your subconscious that if you could win in the small things, you can win in the big things.   

I routinely write in my journal a list of the things I am thankful for and the victories I have collected.  The activity makes me feel empowered, and can be a powerful force in the order of developing a strong, positive self image.

• Create a Mission Statement for your Life

Stephen Covey, in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, writes about the value of creating a life mission statement. He encourages you to involve every member of your family.  What your life mission statement does is it focuses your mind on determining your values.  Remember, values are your roots.  

You need values, principles, and strong character to live a fulfilled life.  A well-thought mission statement crystalizes your code of life.  It allows you to measure your weekly, monthly, yearly actions against your code.  Are your daily actions coinciding with where your values are?  Or are you fooling yourself and creating inner stress by living out of harmony with your deepest values?

• Read to grow yourself

It's one thing to read for fun, another thing to read to grow.  Loads of people spend their lives reading pulp fiction and never pick up a book that challenges them to be better people.  Therefore, their growth is stunted.  

Reading is a pre-requisite for excellence in performance and leadership.  Make sure you are reading hungrily and intentionally.  Decide WHY you are reading what you are reading in order to be more effective with your time.

Ask yourself  "How does this book enable me to work better in my field? How does this book enable me to grow closer to the best possible version of myself?

• Seek out and value mentorship, and relationships that stretch you

It's hard to keep yourself motivated and progressing through life without a strong support group and a growth environment.  The reason organizations like Alcoholics Anonymous, book reading clubs, and Parent Teacher Organizations (ha ha ha... can you tell I'm a new parent?) are so popular is because of the power of a community.   No matter the level of your current achievement, you can be associating with others that challenge and stretch you.  Continually challenge yourself!

There's a saying in Spanish:   "Dime con quien andas, y te dire quien eres."   It means:  "Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are."   And yet another way of putting it is as follows:

"You will be the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with."

-Jim Rohn

Are there seeds of greatness within you?

The tree:

Imagine a full grown, healthy apple tree.  

(For those with poor imagination, use the picture ;))

Each branch of the tree represents a role in a person's life, such as:   business owner, manager, teacher, father, brother, sister, son, daughter, friend, church-member, club-member, etc.   You get the idea.    

The leaves represent the memories of your success and failures–– the  experiences of your life that come and go.  Much like the leaves of a tree soak up light of the sun, your memories soak up the light in your life and nurture you in the different branches or roles in your life.

The fruits represent the results your life have produced.  They are what you have to show for your efforts. When you share the fruits with others, and they are good fruits, then the fruits of your life will nurture others in turn.

Finally, and most importantly, beneath the tree, holding it all together and anchored into solid ground, are your roots.

A tall tree catches much wind ~ Chinese Proverb

A tall tree with shallow roots doesn't last too long in a 
hurricane ~  Miami Common Sense

Roots are the most important part of a tree, aren't they?  They are what keeps the tree anchored to the soil.  They absorb the nutrients that feed the rest of the tree.

So what do you think the roots represent?  What purpose would roots have if we were running the metaphor into your life?  

The roots are those things that feed and nurture your psyche.  

The roots are your values, your principles, your paradigms, 

your thoughts and beliefs that hold you up.  

Top level performers in every industry are well grounded with a solid roots system.  They don't second guess their ability to succeed–– and you might thing, "of course they believe in themselves, they're already successful!"  And you are absolutely right:  success multiplies success.  However, top performers that stay top performers never forget where they came from.  They believed in themselves and the results they sought to create long before the results ever showed.

Your roots system begins in your thoughts.  Thoughts crystalize into actions.  Actions crystalize into habits.  Habits crystalize into character.  Character determines your destiny!  - From As a Man Thinketh  by James Allen

What do YOU feed your roots?

       

I remember the first time I heard the words:  "the seeds of greatness are within you."  I thought that was the most ignorant motivational hokey feel good nonsense that people liked to say.  But it wasn't true, of course.   At least, not for me.

Just look at my life, I thought.  

What have I done that's worth anything?

I never realized how terrible self talk can destroy you  until I hit rock bottom with depression.  I never realized how paralyzing the words I told myself were!  These were the thoughts and opinions I carried with me from my youth and upbringing.


Feed your roots positive nutrients with good uplifting books, motivational messages, and an environment conducive to growth.  Practice saying out loud all the things you are grateful for.  Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful.  You ARE beautiful.   The value and potential you add to the world is unique to you.  No one else in the whole planet has what you have.  There is something about you that will be able to connect with a whole network of people out there that I will never touch.  That John Maxwell will never touch.  And all you have to do is fulfill your calling!

No matter how successful you are, there is always room for growth.  Evaluate your values.  Evaluate your foundations.  And as long as you're intentionally (and regularly) drinking in positive nutrients, then you'll be able to feed the branches of your life–– which in turn will create great, lasting memories and good fruit!

The 3 names you will carry

In your lifetime you receive three names.

The first is the name you are given at birth.  Your parents thought about it for months before you were born (sometimes changing it at the last minute).  Your name may even have carried special significance.   

You do not have control over your given name.  

The second name is the name you give yourself.   It is your self image.  Your identity that you have formed about yourself.  It is the picture of you that you hold steadfast.  "This is who I am."  And you reinforce it with your words:

You have power over your self-image.  

Do you look at your life and say, "I'm so lazy", or "I'm a very productive person" ?  Do you say, "I'm not that smart,"  or do you say "Whatever the challenge, I am creative.  I'll figure it out"  ?   Do you say, "I am unworthy,"  or "I am beloved" ?   These are the words that carry the I am.   What words you pair with 'I am' create your identity.  These words are a reflection of how you see yourself.  

When you talk to yourself, do you criticize and de-value yourself?  Do you believe that you will never amount to something, or that you will change the world and make it a better place?

Finally, the third name you carry is the name of your legacy.  Your final name is the name you will be remembered by.   He was kind.  He was gentle.  He was courageous.  

How you live determines your remembered name.



People will sum your whole life in one sentence.  So choose your life sentence now and start living toward it  ~ John Maxwell

Law of Intentionality

No one ever grew by accident.   We may get older by hanging around, but we don't get better.  There's a big difference between getting older and getting better.  

Not everyone thinks this way. 

In my family, the message I got from my elders was that age, experience, and wisdom all come standard with wrinkles and cellulite.  As a curious young person, if I disagreed or questioned my elders, their standard answer was.  I'm older. I'm wiser.  I know better than you.


There are plenty of cases where age and experience provides insight.  But it isn't an automatic process.  Becoming aware of this reality is the first step in becoming a person who makes growth a habit.  All those who begin the intentional journey of personal growth never regret it.

Few people have any idea how to grow.  Few people have a plan for personal growth.  There are people that have worked in the same role, capacity, or job for years and have been stuck at the same level of performance without improvement.

We all know people that are anxious to get over their problems; they may even want to be better–– but they seldom are willing to do what it takes.  Average people want to change their circumstances, but won't change themselves.

Self check:    Are you average, or are you pursuing excellence and growth with enough awareness and intentionality in order to improve your craft?  Do your results reflect consistent personal growth?  Or have you reached a plateau?  How long have you been there?

To meet your potential, you need to overcome your present circumstances and grow.  You need to have a plan for personal growth.  Experiment with the following for a day or two... or even for a week or a month.  Ask around to see who has a "plan for personal growth."   I guarantee that you'll be surprised by how many people have no clue what you mean.

When I first heard John Maxwell talk about a personal growth plan, I started asking myself who I knew that might be on a plan of personal growth.  Many people I knew were readers.  Many read fiction. Some read books in their industry.  But only one of my closest friends and mentors had an intentional and disciplined growth plan.

How many times have you known what you were supposed to do to get through an obstacle, but you procrastinated taking action.  You figured, maybe that situation would resolve itself.   Maybe the answer would come to you.  Or you may have asked people you trusted what they thought you should do, and while the answer they gave made sense to you, you still didn't take action...

Most people accept their lives.  They don't lead their lives.

In order to grow, you need to grow on purpose.

The best way to develop a personal growth plan is to learn first how to grow.   The 15 invaluable Laws of Growth  is a great book.  A system for learning exactly what "growth" is all about, and what factors influence our growth most.  

For example:  

The law of Intentionality:     You won't grow by accident.  So you need a plan.  You need intentionality.  You need to be living on purpose.

The law of the mirror:     You need to see value in yourself in order to add value to yourself.

The law of awareness:  You need to know what areas you are strongest in and which areas you are weakest in, so that you can grow accordingly.  Imagine you had weaknesses that you were unaware of...  how could those hamper your development?  How can you overcome an obstacle you don't know is there?  You can't.

The law of design:  To maximize your performance, develop a plan.  What's your plan?  How do you develop a plan to improve yourself?  

Contact me if you want to develop a plan for your personal growth, or the growth of your team;  a coach is a great resource to help us raise our awareness.  As they say,  it's difficult to see the picture when you're standing in the frame.

The First Rule of Connection

Get Over Yourself  &  See Others First:  The Power of Connection

We've all been there, excited about a recent development in our life.  So excited, in fact, that we can't wait to throw up all over everybody we meet and tell them all about how special and blessed we are. 

"That deal finally came through and we're making X number of dollars this month and aren't you so happy for me?"

 

But what if the message people are getting is:   "My life is so amazing. Don't you wish you were me?"

Humor me for a second and see if the following calls to mind a person in your life.  Have you ever been with someone that was just a great conversationalist?  A person that, when you're with them you just feel like things flow from one topic to the next effortlessly-- so much so that you feel drawn to them  like a magnet?  You can't get enough of their company and you would go the mile for them.  If they called, you'd answer.  If they asked, you'd give.

Did someone pop into your mind?  Is there someone like that for you? 

Think back to this person and ask yourself how often in conversations with this person are you talking and how often they're talking.  How many questions do you ask, versus how many do they ask?  And how thought provoking or poignant are their questions? How do their questions make you feel?  Have you ever made a decision because of what this person said or asked?  Have you ever gone to this person for advice?

Chances are, that the person you're thinking of is a great connector.  Connectors are great leaders.   They  ask great questions.  They have great relationships.  Ultimately they create influence and can leverage relationships to accomplish great tasks.  Great connectors have great power! 

There's value in studying others that make us feel good.  People that influence us.  The better we understand how others influence us, the better we can apply what we learn from them to build rapport, relationships, trust, and ultimately influence.  We are most influenced by the people we trust and respect, who connect and add value.

So lets go back to throwing up all over people. 

Put people first

We spend most of the day thinking about ourselves.  And when we think of others, we typically think of others in direct proportion to how it relates with our own self interest. 

That doesn't mean you're evil or some kind of egotistical tyrant.  I'm just saying you're human.  It's our nature to think of ourselves.  It's normal for us to literally not consider the other point of view in our interactions.   (Though some people have a nasty habit of over evaluating what others think due to poor self image-- we'll deal with that in later posts).

Many people have poor self image. ( If you're reading this and you're hurt by my comment, then you probably still have room for growth in the self image department.  )  When you talk to self conscious people about how successful you are, chances are they're intimidated.  On a subconscious level, the message people get is one of self questioning.  They measure themselves against your success and if they feel they fall short, then the connection is broken.  You're no longer creating influence with this person, nor are you adding value to them.

Even when the person you're sharing with has tremendous self image, what do you gain from boasting your successes?  Or what do you gain from talking about yourself all the time?  

There's no better way to improve your self image than to take your eyes off yourself and ask about the other person you're with.  They're more likely to benefit from your company and enjoy it as well.  They'll talk about themselves and reveal intimate details about what their loves are. What their pains are.  And in the end, you're relationship grows.  Ask great questions.  

Let them ask you first.  When you're genuinely interested in the other person and engaged in their life, they'll in turn become engaged in your life and want to learn more about you.  We're not promoting manipulation. You're not asking about them in order to get them  to ask about you.  We want you to want to get to know others more intimately by asking questions and getting to know others' loves, ambitions, goals, and desires.  

We can enrich our lives by going against our initial tendencies.  Ask questions.  Get out and over yourself and  become more interested in the other person than you are in yourself and just watch.  Beautiful relationships will begin to manifest.   You'll learn great things about others.  You're more likely to identify need in the market place.  You'll close more business and have better relationships with friends and family members. 

It all starts with being intentional about it.   

Remember,

People don't care how much you know.  Until they know how much you care.